What to Expect from Couples and Relationship Therapy: A Realistic Guide

When couples first reach out for relationship therapy, it’s often during a moment of emotional strain. Tension is high, communication has broken down, or the bond that once felt solid now seems fragile. But it’s also true that many seek therapy to strengthen what’s already good, to navigate life transitions together, or to separate with respect.

This post aims to demystify the process of relationship therapy, explain what you can expect, what might be challenging along the way, and what can ultimately be gained—regardless of the outcome you hope for. It’s not always about ‘saving’ a relationship. It’s about making sense of it, learning from it, and understanding each other (and yourself) more deeply.

Why People Come to Relationship Therapy

People seek relationship therapy for many reasons. Some are in crisis—perhaps after an affair, or during the aftermath of a betrayal. Others come because they’ve grown distant and can’t seem to reconnect. Some come to consciously uncouple; others come as a last-ditch attempt before ending things. And many come not because something is ‘wrong’ but because they want to improve how they communicate, support each other, and grow as partners.

Some common reasons include:

• Repetitive arguments or poor conflict resolution

• Emotional or physical disconnection

• Infidelity or breaches of trust

• Life transitions (e.g., parenthood, bereavement, relocation)

• Differences in parenting, values, or future goals

• Sexual concerns or mismatched libidos

• Considering separation or navigating post-separation dynamics

It’s important to say from the outset: relationship therapy isn’t only for couples in trouble. It’s a proactive space to deepen intimacy, build resilience, and gain clarity—even if that clarity leads to redefining the relationship.

What Happens in the First Sessions

Your initial sessions are about understanding what brings you to therapy and where each of you is emotionally. As the therapist, I’ll guide a conversation where both partners can speak honestly about their experience of the relationship, including what hurts, what’s missing, and what still matters. This is also a space to explore your goals—both shared and individual.

I may meet with both partners together, and in some cases, have individual sessions with each person early on. This helps create a fuller picture of the relationship history, personal values, and any deeper issues that may not feel safe to bring up in front of a partner initially.

There’s no judgement in this space. My role isn’t to take sides or decide who’s right. It’s to understand the patterns you’ve developed as a couple and help you see the emotional dynamics at play—often the ones just beneath the surface (Johnson, 2004).

What Relationship Therapy Actually Does

A good therapeutic process helps you:

• Slow down the reactive cycles and understand the ‘dance’ you do as a couple

• Learn how to express vulnerability rather than blame

• Improve communication and emotional responsiveness

• Explore past relational wounds that shape current reactions

• Identify unmet needs and how to express them

• Make conscious decisions about the relationship’s future

This is especially true in approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which focuses on attachment needs and patterns of emotional disconnection (Johnson, 2019). Other models such as the Gottman Method offer practical tools based on decades of research into what makes relationships succeed or fail (Gottman & Silver, 2015).

The key isn’t about fixing a partner—it’s about creating a new kind of emotional connection where both people feel seen, heard, and safe.

Relationship therapy isn’t only for couples in trouble

Challenges You Might Encounter

Therapy can be uncomfortable at times. That’s a normal part of the process. You’re being asked to look at your own behaviours and feelings honestly, and that takes courage.

Here are some challenges that might come up:

• One person may be more motivated for therapy than the other

• You may initially argue more before things get better

• Old wounds may resurface as you explore past dynamics

• It can feel vulnerable to express emotions or needs you’ve kept hidden

• You might realise that your goals for the relationship are not aligned

Sometimes, therapy brings clarity that a relationship is no longer viable or healthy. That can be painful, but it can also be an opportunity for respectful closure, mutual understanding, and personal growth. Therapy is not about forcing a particular outcome—it’s about supporting you to make an informed, conscious choice.

Rewards of the Process

Despite the challenges, relationship therapy can be incredibly rewarding. Some couples rediscover affection, trust, and playfulness they thought was lost. Others learn to part ways with kindness, rather than with bitterness or blame. And even in situations where only one partner fully engages, the personal insight gained can ripple positively into other areas of life.

Some of the core rewards include:

• Greater emotional awareness—of self and partner

• Improved communication and conflict resolution

• A deeper understanding of your relationship patterns

• More fulfilling intimacy and affection

• Personal growth, resilience, and clarity

Research consistently shows that couples who engage in therapy experience greater relationship satisfaction and emotional connection, particularly when both partners are committed to the process (Lebow et al., 2012).

Is Therapy About Saving the Relationship?

This is one of the most common misconceptions. The goal of therapy isn’t necessarily to ‘save’ the relationship—it’s to explore it with honesty, depth, and curiosity.

Sometimes that does lead to reconnection and growth. Sometimes it leads to letting go. And sometimes, it leads to redefining the terms of the relationship in a way that feels more authentic for both of you.

In that sense, therapy isn’t about choosing between ‘stay or go’. It’s about doing the deeper work of understanding your relational blueprint—what you need, what you value, and how you connect. From there, you can make decisions with more clarity and compassion.

Who Is Relationship Therapy For?

Relationship therapy isn’t just for couples. I work with:

• Romantic partners (regardless of gender, orientation, or structure)

• Individuals exploring relationship issues on their own

• Co-parents trying to collaborate post-separation

• Friends or family members navigating complex dynamics

You don’t need to be in crisis. You just need to be willing to explore, listen, and stay open to the process.

Couples can rediscover affection, trust, and playfulness they thought was lost.

How I Work with You—My Approach

When you come to therapy with me, you’re not stepping into a clinical or cold space. You’re entering a supportive, attuned environment where the messiness of real life is welcome. I’m not here to take sides, label problems, or hand out quick fixes. I’m here to help both of you feel heard, understood, and empowered to work through whatever has brought you here.

My approach is integrative, which means I draw from several evidence-based models to tailor the process to your unique relationship. This might include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which helps uncover and shift the emotional patterns beneath conflict, or psychodynamic tools that explore deeper relational histories. I also bring in practical techniques when needed—especially when it comes to communication, boundaries, and navigating difference.

More than anything, I work relationally. That means I pay close attention to the emotional tone between you, the way you respond to one another, and the ways you might protect yourselves from hurt without realising it. Often, what looks like defensiveness or shutdown is actually a signal of care—expressed in a way that isn’t landing well.

I hold space for both of you. Even when one of you feels more “done” and the other is still fighting for the relationship, there’s room for that tension in the work. I won’t push you to stay together or encourage a split—I’ll support you to explore what’s true for you, and help you make decisions with clarity and care.

Clients often tell me they feel calmer and clearer after sessions. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy—some sessions will challenge you—but I work to ensure that it always feels safe. I’ll check in regularly to make sure we’re on track with your goals, and I’ll be transparent about what I see happening in the room.

Whether you’re coming to reconnect, repair, or part with dignity, I’ll meet you with compassion, curiosity, and a steady presence.

A Note on LGBTQ+ and Non-Traditional Relationships

As an affirming therapist, I welcome and support LGBTQ+ clients and those in non-traditional, polyamorous, or open relationship structures. Therapy is a space to unpack the unique dynamics, roles, and boundaries that matter to you—free of judgement and rooted in respect.

Many queer and non-traditional relationships face additional challenges around identity, social stigma, or lack of representation in mainstream therapeutic approaches. My work is informed by an inclusive, sex-positive, and intersectional lens that honours your lived experience (Shelton & Delgado-Romero, 2013).

How Long Does It Take?

There’s no set timeline. Some couples come for a few sessions and gain what they need. Others stay longer to work through deeper or more entrenched patterns.

On average, couples benefit from at least 8–20 sessions depending on the nature of the issues and the goals involved (Baucom et al., 2015). We’ll check in regularly to ensure the therapy is meeting your needs and goals.

What You Can Do to Get the Most from Therapy

Here are a few ways to get the most from relationship therapy:

• Come with an open mind—even when it’s hard

• Try to listen without defending

• Speak from your own experience, not about your partner’s faults

• Take responsibility where you can

• Be patient—change takes time

Above all, be kind to yourself. This work is brave. You’re stepping into something that takes effort and vulnerability. Whether the outcome is reconnection or conscious uncoupling, you are choosing growth over stagnation.

Final Thoughts

If you’re reading this, it likely means that something in your relationship matters enough to be explored. That’s already a sign of hope.

Relationship therapy isn’t easy—but it can be transformative. It’s not about blaming or fixing. It’s about understanding. And that understanding can become the foundation for healing, change, and emotional depth—whatever direction your relationship takes next.

If you’d like to begin or just have a conversation about whether therapy is right for you, I welcome you to get in touch. You can reach out to book a free consulation via email at riseandgrowtherapy@outlook.com, or fill out a contact request in the Contact section of this website.

References

Baucom, D. H., Shoham, V., Mueser, K. T., Daiuto, A. D., & Stickle, T. R. (2015). Empirically supported couple and family interventions for marital distress and adult mental health problems. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67(1), 53–88.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert. Harmony Books.

Johnson, S. M. (2004). The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection. Routledge.

Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press.

Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168.

Shelton, K., & Delgado-Romero, E. A. (2013). Psychotherapy with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients. In J. C. Norcross (Ed.), Psychotherapy relationships that work (2nd ed., pp. 161–183). Oxford University Press.