Why does desire change, and how do we talk about it?
Most of us were never taught how intimacy and desire work, or how to talk about them. This workbook brings together what I have learned as a relationship therapist in London with research from psychology and sex research, to help you understand what is happening between you and your partner, and within you.
It is a psychotherapy led book about intimacy and desire, with sex as one part of that picture. It is not about technique, and it is not a replacement for therapy. It is a companion for reflecting, for understanding yourself and your relationship more deeply, and for starting conversations that are hard to begin.
Each chapter ends with five reflection questions and space to write. You can read it alone and then share what you notice with a partner if you choose. Nobody should feel obliged to share anything.
WHAT IS INSIDE
Foundations. Why intimacy and desire are relational, your own story with desire, how safety and responsiveness make desire possible, how desire works in a long relationship, and why the same fight keeps coming back.
The 13 Golden Rules for Talking About Intimacy and Desire. The full rules, each with research, what clients say in session and reflection pages.
When life changes. Betrayal, loss, a new baby and illness, and different minds, bodies and relationship structures, including ADHD, autism, non monogamy and LGBTQ+ relationships.
Getting support. What a book can and cannot do, what the research says about therapy, how to choose a therapist, and a directory of services and helplines.
WHO IT IS FOR
Couples who want a way to start the conversation.
Individuals who want to understand their own relationship to desire.
LGBTQ+ people and people in open or polyamorous relationships. The book is written for you too.
People who are not ready for therapy, or cannot afford it, right now.
People already in therapy who want something to reflect on between sessions.
WHAT IT IS NOT
This book is educational. It is not therapy, medical advice, or treatment for a specific sexual difficulty, and it points you to your GP or a specialist where that is the right next step. If you are afraid of your partner, please read the note on safety first. It includes free helplines.
FORMAT AND DELIVERY
PDF, 144 pages, A4. It opens on any phone, tablet or computer with a PDF reader, and it prints well, with writing lines for every reflection question.
Instant download after purchase. The link is also emailed to you.
The download link expires after 24 hours, so please save the file straight away. If you have any trouble, email hello@riseandgrowtherapy.co.uk and I will send a fresh link.
BEFORE YOU BUY
This is a digital download that is supplied immediately. At checkout you will be asked to agree to receive it straight away and to confirm that you understand you lose your right to cancel once the download starts. If anything is wrong with the file, your legal rights are not affected. Please see the refund and cancellation policy.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mark Ryan is a BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and NCPS Accredited Relationship Therapist working in person across central London, from rooms in Pimlico, Kensington and Angel, through Rise and Grow Therapy™. His practice is integrative, sex positive and affirming of all relationship structures and identities.
Why does desire change, and how do we talk about it?
Most of us were never taught how intimacy and desire work, or how to talk about them. This workbook brings together what I have learned as a relationship therapist in London with research from psychology and sex research, to help you understand what is happening between you and your partner, and within you.
It is a psychotherapy led book about intimacy and desire, with sex as one part of that picture. It is not about technique, and it is not a replacement for therapy. It is a companion for reflecting, for understanding yourself and your relationship more deeply, and for starting conversations that are hard to begin.
Each chapter ends with five reflection questions and space to write. You can read it alone and then share what you notice with a partner if you choose. Nobody should feel obliged to share anything.
WHAT IS INSIDE
Foundations. Why intimacy and desire are relational, your own story with desire, how safety and responsiveness make desire possible, how desire works in a long relationship, and why the same fight keeps coming back.
The 13 Golden Rules for Talking About Intimacy and Desire. The full rules, each with research, what clients say in session and reflection pages.
When life changes. Betrayal, loss, a new baby and illness, and different minds, bodies and relationship structures, including ADHD, autism, non monogamy and LGBTQ+ relationships.
Getting support. What a book can and cannot do, what the research says about therapy, how to choose a therapist, and a directory of services and helplines.
WHO IT IS FOR
Couples who want a way to start the conversation.
Individuals who want to understand their own relationship to desire.
LGBTQ+ people and people in open or polyamorous relationships. The book is written for you too.
People who are not ready for therapy, or cannot afford it, right now.
People already in therapy who want something to reflect on between sessions.
WHAT IT IS NOT
This book is educational. It is not therapy, medical advice, or treatment for a specific sexual difficulty, and it points you to your GP or a specialist where that is the right next step. If you are afraid of your partner, please read the note on safety first. It includes free helplines.
FORMAT AND DELIVERY
PDF, 144 pages, A4. It opens on any phone, tablet or computer with a PDF reader, and it prints well, with writing lines for every reflection question.
Instant download after purchase. The link is also emailed to you.
The download link expires after 24 hours, so please save the file straight away. If you have any trouble, email hello@riseandgrowtherapy.co.uk and I will send a fresh link.
BEFORE YOU BUY
This is a digital download that is supplied immediately. At checkout you will be asked to agree to receive it straight away and to confirm that you understand you lose your right to cancel once the download starts. If anything is wrong with the file, your legal rights are not affected. Please see the refund and cancellation policy.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mark Ryan is a BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and NCPS Accredited Relationship Therapist working in person across central London, from rooms in Pimlico, Kensington and Angel, through Rise and Grow Therapy™. His practice is integrative, sex positive and affirming of all relationship structures and identities.
