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Are you ending a relationship, or thinking about it, and unsure how to get through the weeks in between?
There is plenty of advice about how you should feel after a breakup and very little about what to do on Tuesday. Who do you tell? Do you both go to the wedding? Can you message each other when it is bad? Many couples rush towards an end point, such as no contact or staying friends, without ever planning the stretch in between. That stretch is where most of the harm, and most of the kindness, happens.
This workbook does three things. It helps each of you look after yourself and work out what you want and need. It helps you have constructive conversations together. And it helps you plan the practical side of the ending, the in between and what might come after. Each part feeds the next, so you always know what to carry forward.
You start privately, with pages on where you are now, what you fear, how you grieve and get angry, what helps, your boundaries and your contact traffic lights. These build into a one page summary you can choose to share. Then you work together, with ways to listen and be heard, a map of where you overlap and differ, and what to do when you are stuck. Finally you write a practical plan in three phases. Now covers telling people, your home, money and a checklist. The in between covers contact, social media, shared events, a signal for hard moments and a pause plan. Looking ahead covers what might come after.
No contact, a planned pause, a friendship and a slow drift are all valid. This workbook does not decide whether you separate or where you end up. That choice belongs to the two of you.
A calm guide to why an ending needs a plan, and what ending can feel like, with the research in plain language
Twelve private pages for each of you on where you are now, fears, grief and anger, what helps, boundaries, and what you need
Traffic lights for contact, and a one page summary to carry into your conversations
Guided conversations, with ways to listen, find where you overlap and differ, and handle being stuck
A three phase practical plan, from telling people to your home, money and a practical checklist
A contact agreement, a plan for shared events, and a signal for hard moments
A pause plan for when things get heated, and pages on looking ahead and keeping the door open
An agreement on a page, check ins at two and four weeks, a looking back page, and a page for taking it to a session
Support details and a full reference list
Couples without children who are ending a relationship, whether you have both decided or only one of you has. It suits partners of any gender, sexuality or relationship structure. It is not a co parenting guide. It can be used alongside therapy.
This workbook is not suitable if either partner is afraid of the other, or if there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour. An agreement like this could be used against someone in that situation. A support page near the end lists specialist helplines.
Mark Ryan is a BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and NCPS Accredited Relationship Therapist, and the founder of Rise and Grow Therapy in London. He works with couples of every background and relationship structure, and with individuals working through relational issues.
Format is a fillable PDF, A4, 47 pages
Type straight into the boxes on a computer or tablet, or print it and write by hand
Instant digital download, no physical item is sent
For personal use only
This workbook is educational. It is not therapy, legal, financial or medical advice. The explanations draw on published research, and the workbook says where the evidence is limited. If you would like support, I offer a free 30 minute consultation, online or in person in London, and a single 110 minute session for couples.
Are you ending a relationship, or thinking about it, and unsure how to get through the weeks in between?
There is plenty of advice about how you should feel after a breakup and very little about what to do on Tuesday. Who do you tell? Do you both go to the wedding? Can you message each other when it is bad? Many couples rush towards an end point, such as no contact or staying friends, without ever planning the stretch in between. That stretch is where most of the harm, and most of the kindness, happens.
This workbook does three things. It helps each of you look after yourself and work out what you want and need. It helps you have constructive conversations together. And it helps you plan the practical side of the ending, the in between and what might come after. Each part feeds the next, so you always know what to carry forward.
You start privately, with pages on where you are now, what you fear, how you grieve and get angry, what helps, your boundaries and your contact traffic lights. These build into a one page summary you can choose to share. Then you work together, with ways to listen and be heard, a map of where you overlap and differ, and what to do when you are stuck. Finally you write a practical plan in three phases. Now covers telling people, your home, money and a checklist. The in between covers contact, social media, shared events, a signal for hard moments and a pause plan. Looking ahead covers what might come after.
No contact, a planned pause, a friendship and a slow drift are all valid. This workbook does not decide whether you separate or where you end up. That choice belongs to the two of you.
A calm guide to why an ending needs a plan, and what ending can feel like, with the research in plain language
Twelve private pages for each of you on where you are now, fears, grief and anger, what helps, boundaries, and what you need
Traffic lights for contact, and a one page summary to carry into your conversations
Guided conversations, with ways to listen, find where you overlap and differ, and handle being stuck
A three phase practical plan, from telling people to your home, money and a practical checklist
A contact agreement, a plan for shared events, and a signal for hard moments
A pause plan for when things get heated, and pages on looking ahead and keeping the door open
An agreement on a page, check ins at two and four weeks, a looking back page, and a page for taking it to a session
Support details and a full reference list
Couples without children who are ending a relationship, whether you have both decided or only one of you has. It suits partners of any gender, sexuality or relationship structure. It is not a co parenting guide. It can be used alongside therapy.
This workbook is not suitable if either partner is afraid of the other, or if there is violence, threats or controlling behaviour. An agreement like this could be used against someone in that situation. A support page near the end lists specialist helplines.
Mark Ryan is a BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and NCPS Accredited Relationship Therapist, and the founder of Rise and Grow Therapy in London. He works with couples of every background and relationship structure, and with individuals working through relational issues.
Format is a fillable PDF, A4, 47 pages
Type straight into the boxes on a computer or tablet, or print it and write by hand
Instant digital download, no physical item is sent
For personal use only
This workbook is educational. It is not therapy, legal, financial or medical advice. The explanations draw on published research, and the workbook says where the evidence is limited. If you would like support, I offer a free 30 minute consultation, online or in person in London, and a single 110 minute session for couples.
