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Are you thinking about opening your relationship, or already living it without ever agreeing the principles?
Many partners come to non monogamy without a clear conversation. Some are curious and unsure where to start. Others drifted into it, with rules that were assumed and never said. A word like "open" or "poly" tells you very little about what you have actually agreed, and two people can use the same word and mean different things.
This workbook starts from a simple idea. A good agreement is built together, from what each of you truly wants and needs. It is not a list of rules that one person writes and the other puts up with. You each work privately first, then bring your answers together, and then write an agreement that is yours.
There are two routes through it. If you are thinking about opening up, you explore the why, your hopes and fears, a pause check and what a real yes looks like. If you are already practising, you look at what is already happening, the unspoken rules, and what each of you has been quietly holding. Both routes meet in the private pages and the agreement.
The workbook also helps you agree, in advance, how you will pause if you ever need to. That means a calm conversation about the why, and a plan for how a pause works, made while things are steady and not in the middle of distress.
A clear guide to the words (consensual non monogamy, open relationships, swinging, polyamory, relationship anarchy) and four questions couples often blur together
Two routes, one for partners thinking about opening up and one for partners already practising
For those thinking about opening up, pages on why now, hopes, fears, a pause check and consent and pace
For those already practising, pages on what is actually happening, unspoken rules, and why an agreement never happened
Twelve private pages for each of you on wants and needs, traffic lights, boundaries, fears and triggers, feeling secure, jealousy, time, sexual health, how much you want to know, new partners, privacy and your must haves
Five pages for bringing it together, with ground rules for sharing, a map of where you overlap and differ, and ways forward when you do not agree
Your own agreement, from principles to time, sexual health, information, new people, home and privacy, with a one page summary
A pause plan in two parts, and a page on what to do when the agreement is broken
Review pages for one, three and six months, a page for taking it to a session, support details and a full reference list
Partners of any gender who are thinking about consensual non monogamy, or already practising it and want to agree the principles together. It suits couples, and with a little adapting it can be used by people with more than one partner. It can be used alongside therapy.
This workbook is not suitable if either partner is afraid of the other, or if there is controlling or threatening behaviour or violence. It is also not a way to repair a relationship in crisis, and it never replaces a partner's no. A support page near the end lists specialist helplines.
Mark Ryan is a BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and NCPS Accredited Relationship Therapist, and the founder of Rise and Grow Therapy in London. He works with couples of every background and relationship structure, including consensually non monogamous relationships, and with individuals working through relational issues.
Format is a fillable PDF, A4, 51 pages
Type straight into the boxes on a computer or tablet, or print it and write by hand
Instant digital download, no physical item is sent
For personal use only
This workbook is educational. It is not therapy, legal advice, sexual health advice or medical advice. The explanations draw on published research, and the workbook says where the evidence is still developing.
If you would like support with your relationship, I offer a free 30 minute consultation, online or in person in London.
Are you thinking about opening your relationship, or already living it without ever agreeing the principles?
Many partners come to non monogamy without a clear conversation. Some are curious and unsure where to start. Others drifted into it, with rules that were assumed and never said. A word like "open" or "poly" tells you very little about what you have actually agreed, and two people can use the same word and mean different things.
This workbook starts from a simple idea. A good agreement is built together, from what each of you truly wants and needs. It is not a list of rules that one person writes and the other puts up with. You each work privately first, then bring your answers together, and then write an agreement that is yours.
There are two routes through it. If you are thinking about opening up, you explore the why, your hopes and fears, a pause check and what a real yes looks like. If you are already practising, you look at what is already happening, the unspoken rules, and what each of you has been quietly holding. Both routes meet in the private pages and the agreement.
The workbook also helps you agree, in advance, how you will pause if you ever need to. That means a calm conversation about the why, and a plan for how a pause works, made while things are steady and not in the middle of distress.
A clear guide to the words (consensual non monogamy, open relationships, swinging, polyamory, relationship anarchy) and four questions couples often blur together
Two routes, one for partners thinking about opening up and one for partners already practising
For those thinking about opening up, pages on why now, hopes, fears, a pause check and consent and pace
For those already practising, pages on what is actually happening, unspoken rules, and why an agreement never happened
Twelve private pages for each of you on wants and needs, traffic lights, boundaries, fears and triggers, feeling secure, jealousy, time, sexual health, how much you want to know, new partners, privacy and your must haves
Five pages for bringing it together, with ground rules for sharing, a map of where you overlap and differ, and ways forward when you do not agree
Your own agreement, from principles to time, sexual health, information, new people, home and privacy, with a one page summary
A pause plan in two parts, and a page on what to do when the agreement is broken
Review pages for one, three and six months, a page for taking it to a session, support details and a full reference list
Partners of any gender who are thinking about consensual non monogamy, or already practising it and want to agree the principles together. It suits couples, and with a little adapting it can be used by people with more than one partner. It can be used alongside therapy.
This workbook is not suitable if either partner is afraid of the other, or if there is controlling or threatening behaviour or violence. It is also not a way to repair a relationship in crisis, and it never replaces a partner's no. A support page near the end lists specialist helplines.
Mark Ryan is a BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and NCPS Accredited Relationship Therapist, and the founder of Rise and Grow Therapy in London. He works with couples of every background and relationship structure, including consensually non monogamous relationships, and with individuals working through relational issues.
Format is a fillable PDF, A4, 51 pages
Type straight into the boxes on a computer or tablet, or print it and write by hand
Instant digital download, no physical item is sent
For personal use only
This workbook is educational. It is not therapy, legal advice, sexual health advice or medical advice. The explanations draw on published research, and the workbook says where the evidence is still developing.
If you would like support with your relationship, I offer a free 30 minute consultation, online or in person in London.
