Do the same arguments keep happening, even though you both care?
Many couples are caught in a cycle that each partner joins without meaning to. One reaches for connection when things feel uncertain. The other feels pressure and steps back to cope. Each response makes the other more likely, and both end up feeling alone.
This workbook is for two people who want to understand that cycle together. It combines clear explanations with exercises you complete side by side and on your own, and you can type into it on screen or print it and write by hand.
What you will work through
A shared explanation of attachment patterns and the pursue and withdraw cycle
A cycle snapshot you each complete, and a map of your own cycle
Naming your cycle so that it becomes the problem, and not each other
Where each of your patterns comes from, with a page each to explore your own blueprint
A structured dialogue for hearing each other’s inner experience and history, based on mirroring, validating and empathising
The role each of you plays in the cycle, and how you unintentionally keep it in place
A self work commitment for each of you
A shared vision for how you want conflict to look in the future
A break agreement with structure and timeframes, and ways to use the relationship to support change
Repair after the cycle, a one page agreement, a weekly check in and a review
Who it is for
Partners who recognise a pattern of one person pursuing and the other withdrawing, and who feel ready to look at it together with kindness. It can be used alongside therapy. If there are more than two of you, you can work through the pages in pairs.
Please read before buying
This workbook is not suitable if either partner is afraid of the other, or if there is controlling or threatening behaviour or violence. A support page near the end lists specialist helplines.
About the author
Mark Ryan is a BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and NCPS Accredited Relationship Therapist, and the founder of Rise and Grow Therapy in London. His approach draws first on Imago Relationship Therapy, alongside attachment based, Gottman and systemic approaches. His practice is fully affirming of LGBTQ+ people. He also works with relationships of every structure. The research referred to in the workbook comes from open access studies, and every reference is free to read online.
Details
Format is a fillable PDF, A4, 35 pages
Works on a computer or tablet, or print and write by hand
Instant digital download, no physical item is sent
For personal use only
Please note
This workbook is educational. It is not therapy and it is not a substitute for medical or psychological advice. The cycle snapshot is a tool for conversation and is not a diagnostic or validated test.
If you would like support with your relationship, I offer a free 30 minute consultation, online or in person in London.
Do the same arguments keep happening, even though you both care?
Many couples are caught in a cycle that each partner joins without meaning to. One reaches for connection when things feel uncertain. The other feels pressure and steps back to cope. Each response makes the other more likely, and both end up feeling alone.
This workbook is for two people who want to understand that cycle together. It combines clear explanations with exercises you complete side by side and on your own, and you can type into it on screen or print it and write by hand.
What you will work through
A shared explanation of attachment patterns and the pursue and withdraw cycle
A cycle snapshot you each complete, and a map of your own cycle
Naming your cycle so that it becomes the problem, and not each other
Where each of your patterns comes from, with a page each to explore your own blueprint
A structured dialogue for hearing each other’s inner experience and history, based on mirroring, validating and empathising
The role each of you plays in the cycle, and how you unintentionally keep it in place
A self work commitment for each of you
A shared vision for how you want conflict to look in the future
A break agreement with structure and timeframes, and ways to use the relationship to support change
Repair after the cycle, a one page agreement, a weekly check in and a review
Who it is for
Partners who recognise a pattern of one person pursuing and the other withdrawing, and who feel ready to look at it together with kindness. It can be used alongside therapy. If there are more than two of you, you can work through the pages in pairs.
Please read before buying
This workbook is not suitable if either partner is afraid of the other, or if there is controlling or threatening behaviour or violence. A support page near the end lists specialist helplines.
About the author
Mark Ryan is a BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and NCPS Accredited Relationship Therapist, and the founder of Rise and Grow Therapy in London. His approach draws first on Imago Relationship Therapy, alongside attachment based, Gottman and systemic approaches. His practice is fully affirming of LGBTQ+ people. He also works with relationships of every structure. The research referred to in the workbook comes from open access studies, and every reference is free to read online.
Details
Format is a fillable PDF, A4, 35 pages
Works on a computer or tablet, or print and write by hand
Instant digital download, no physical item is sent
For personal use only
Please note
This workbook is educational. It is not therapy and it is not a substitute for medical or psychological advice. The cycle snapshot is a tool for conversation and is not a diagnostic or validated test.
If you would like support with your relationship, I offer a free 30 minute consultation, online or in person in London.
